Uke
by sinemoras09
Summary: Garius reflects. Garius-centric. Garius, Petralka. Canon unrequited Garius/Shinichi. Angst. Warnings for sexuality and masturbation. Spoilers through episode 10.


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1.

He wakes before sunrise. Boots crunch on compact dirt and patches of wet grass, and the white plume of his breath rises in the cool dark air. The training grounds are quiet in the murky hours before sunrise, and Garius likes it better this way: it clears his head, gives him time to think and be alone with himself. Slowly he unsheathes his sword and readies his stance, body tensing before delivering the first blow.

A strike. His blade glints in the murky half-light. One slice, and then another, moving through his stances effortlessly. Soon, rays of lazy sunlight drift into the training fields, and Garius readies himself for the remainder of his post.

xXx

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"What's this 'BL' you're so interested in?" Petralka says.

It's late morning now, and Petralka has just finished her breakfast. Fortunately it's just the two of them: no one else is privy to Garius's obvious embarrassment. "It must be something worth studying, especially since it's caught your interest. Teach me about it," Petralka says.

Garius flushes and not for the first time wonders just how extensive was his cousin's spy network, he had only read those materials in the privacy of his room. "You do not have time to engage in such frivolities," Garius says. "The anniversary of your coronation is approaching. You have a speech to prepare and a number of correspondences to attend to."

"My anniversary isn't for another fortnight, I have plenty of time," Petralka says, and Garius frowns disapprovingly.

"Well. It probably isn't appropriate for Her Highness," he starts to say, but Petralka arches a brow. "And besides, I have no expertise in these things. Perhaps you should ask Ms. Koganuma."

"Minori isn't here," Petralka says. She gestures impatiently. "Just show me what you've been reading."

"E-eh?"

"The book you're carrying, give it to me," Petralka says. "This isn't a request, it's a command! And don't pretend you don't have it," she says, her eyes narrowing. "I saw you fingering it beneath your cloak."

There is nothing left to do but comply, and inwardly Garius berates himself for bringing the book _here_, in the throne room within his cousin's purvue. It was his own idiocy that lead him to this. Carefully he fishes out the book from his satchel, trying to ignore the heat rushing up to his face.

"Oh! Why are they doing this? What's going on there?" Petralka flips through his book while Garius stares red-faced at the floor. "Why are they tying that man up?"

"It's a power play," Garius says, carefully. "They're trying to assert dominance over each other."

"Oh! Maybe I should tie _you_ up, then," Petralka says, because she is young and she doesn't really understand. "If it's a power play, I'm obviously the 'Top,' then, huh? Maybe I should tie up my advisors when they disagree with me," and Garius sighs inwardly, relieved that her innocence has remained somewhat intact.

She turns the page. "That looks like that should hurt. But why does he look like he's enjoying it?"

"Uh..."

The panel in question (and Garius is well acquainted with it, having stared at it for more than a few hours the night before), is one where the Uke is being strung with his arms above his head. Clothes torn and skin sweating, the Uke's face is flushed with embarrassment and obvious arousal, while the Seme is grinning slyly, whispering in his ear.

"Where are his hands going?" Petralka says. Her eyes go wide. "Why are they getting naked?"

Garius snatches the book from her, stuffing it in his pockets.

"Garius!"

"I'm sorry Your Highness," Garius says. "Even if it's a command, I cannot willingly allow you to read such filth." Petralka jumps up, indignant.

"If it's filth then why are you reading it?" Petralka says.

"It's for adults," Garius says.

"I'm an adult!" Petralka says, and Garius mentally kicks himself for walking into that particular trap.

"That is true, Your Highness," Garius says, carefully. "But someone of your stature should not be reading this. Think of what the commoners would say."

"Fine, whatever," Petralka says, and Garius breathes an inward sigh of relief. "If you're so adamant about it, I won't pry any further."

"Your Highness is most generous."

"Hmph," Petralka says, and Garius breathes a sigh of relief, quietly tucking the book under his cloak. 

xXx

.

The book in question is one of Garius's favorites: The Uke is competent and strong, someone who punishes himself for any personal weakness. He is also lonely, with no one to confide in, but he holds his pain on the inside. The story progresses and then he meets the Seme, a man who liberates the Uke from the shackles of his station: when they make love, the Uke begins to cry, because his life up until then has been nothing but struggle and loneliness, and the book ends with the Uke curled up in the Seme's arms.

Garius cried the first time he read it. Alone in his room, with only light of the candle at his bedside. When the Uke cried in happiness, a teardrop fell and hit the page, and it took Garius a moment to realize that he was crying. He closed the book and tried to compose himself, taking a breath and wiping his eyes.

xXx

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"I knew you'd like it!" Minori says.

Garius flushes, hands tightening reflexively around the cover, as Minori gushes and claps her hands, excitedly. He had held on to Minori's book for a while now, reading and re-reading the story whenever he had free time. But the days turned into weeks and with great reluctance Garius had realized he had to eventually return it: now he held the book clasped in both hands as he presented it to her, holding it cover out as if presenting a crown. "You should keep it!" Minori says.

"I couldn't," Garius says. "This book must mean a lot to you. I couldn't possibly keep it."

"No, no, no, please, I have three copies already," Minori says, and she ticks them off her fingers. "I have the collector's edition and the limited first print edition, that's just the standard edition, so you know, that one's simple. You can keep that one."

He presses the book to his chest, reverently.

"Thank you," Garius says. "I will not forget your generosity. Koganuma-san, you have shown me that the Japanese way is very generous. I humbly accept," Garius says, but she's busy digging through her knapsack, pulling out several BL doujins and stuffing them in his hands.

"If you like this one, check out this one! And this is the sequel. It's not as good as the first but the art is amazing, here, take it, take it!"

"I-" Garius blinks, suddenly carrying a half-dozen books stacked up against his chest. "This is too much, Koganuma-san. I couldn't."

"Just take it!" Minori says. "The Seme looks just like Shinichi. You'll love it, I promise."

"But-"

"It's homework," Minori says. "You're going to tell me what you like and we'll talk about it."

"I suppose," Garius says, and she grins and waves, already striding several paces down the hall.

xXx

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2.

In their early days, before Garius knew anything of BL or Ukes or even laid eyes on any of her books, he and Minori had established an easy rapport, finding they both shared discipline and loyalty, two qualities he greatly valued. This was not the case for Kanou Shinichi, however.

"I cannot see his value to our empire," Garius said. He looked at Shinichi, coldly. "I see him more as a poison. One that once ingested, can never be removed."

"A poison, huh?" Shinichi said, and the anger in his eyes cut like arrows through his body. Garius would have killed him, but Petralka was much too amused.

The next day, Minori had caught him in the hallway, breathless and apologetic: "Shinichi-kun is harmless!" she said.

She apparently had been running. Garius turned, waiting for Minori to catch her breath before continuing. "He's just very passionate about the Otaku Way. You don't need to worry about him."

"I am not concerned with Kanou Shinichi," Garius said. "I only wonder what good is this 'Otaku Way,'after seeing the conduct of its emissaries.

"What do you know of Otakus?" Minori said.

"I know all I need to know," Garius said. "The stories that Petralka showed me are trite and nonsensical, and the characters are unrealistic and poorly-developed. I have no idea what Her Highness sees in such trash."

"Not everything is like that," Minori said. "Those things are diluted. Watered-down. Let me show you something better."

She was digging in her pack. Garius watched, wary with the knowledge that the Japanese had the magic of weapons far greater than theirs, and only slightly widened his eyes when she pulled out a book.

"I think you should read this. You might not understand it, but you might be able to get the general feeling."

It was his first BL book. At the time, Garius didn't understand, and he held the cover up in distaste. "This is pornographic," Garius said.

"This is the purest form of human emotion. I think even the people of Eldant would understand."

Garius frowned, then flipped through the book.

"Why is he tied up and shirtless?" Garius asked.

"Because he's the Uke," Minori said, and Garius raised a brow.

"Uke?" Garius said. He flipped through the book, frowning. "The Uke is weak. Why should I be interested in this?"

"Because you, Garius-sama, are the ultimate Uke," Minori said.

"How dare you," Garius said, but Minori held up her hand.

"The Uke is not weak," Minori said. "He is beautiful, elegant, and strong-willed. He pushes down his feelings and has no one to confide in. The Uke can be very lonely," Minori said. She takes the book from Garius and flips through it, thoughtfully. "But he is accepting and loyal to a fault. So it is a great compliment to be an Uke."

"I see," Garius said. Minori smiled and handed him back the book.

"This should be homework. This will help you understand the differences in our culture."

"Thank you," Garius said. He slipped the book into his satchel. "I will study it well."

"Thank you very much," Minori said, and she gave him a deep respectful bow. 

xXx

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The Seme looks like Shinichi. Garius flips through the book, his face growing warm as he comes across the more explicit parts of the manga.

When the two characters kiss, it is full of fatigue and sorrow, the culmination of a lifetime's worth of want. The Seme cradles a hand to the cage of the Uke's jaw.

Garius traces a finger along the page, rapt, and reads on as the Seme's thumb ghosts over parted lips, every nerve of the Uke's body on edge as he kisses his lips and neck and chest, scraping his teeth against sensitive skin until the Uke moans and arches up into him. Cock thick and ready, slipping into the Seme's mouth.

Garius crouches into himself, breathing heavily as his hand fists over a shameful hardness. He hates that he's doing this, that he's so easily lost his self-control.

Later, he goes back to the training grounds and punishes his wicked body. He trains until he can barely stand, pushing down his emptiness and self-loathing.

There is someone coming up behind him. Garius stops, sword in his hand, when he sees Shinichi waving at him. 

xXx

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He doesn't fit in Shinichi's group. Unlike the half-elf or the werewolf or even Petralka, Garius has no real place among Shinichi's confidantes. It is not as if he isn't used to it, however: he has been shunned before for his father's misdeeds, and even now, the nobles at the court continue to give him a wide berth.

"Well of course you don't fit in! They're all a bunch of half-wits," Petralka says. "Everyone is just currying favor. There's not a one among them I can trust."

They're sharing a meal together, sitting in the common hall away from the rest of the court. "So when are you going to show me your BL?" Petralka says. Garius sets down his fork, frowning.

"Your Highness is too busy," Garius says. "Remember you have your coronation to attend to."

"Ugh, the coronation," Petralka says. "As if I need to be reminded about it."

"It is important that you prepare," Garius says.

"I have prepared! And every year I prepare. What's so different about this year?"

"The Japanese will be in attendance," Garius says. "You are the pride of the Eldant empire, and you need to present yourself in a way that garners respect and admiration."

"Hmph. It's the same speech. And I'm just going to be reading off the page, anyway."

"You know Kanou Shinichi is also going to be there," Garius says.

"He is? Well! I'll just have to practice, then!"

"As is expected of our Queen," Garius intones, seriously.

"Quiet, you! It's not as if I'm the only one who likes him." And at this Garius turns to her and raises his eyes.

"'Likes him?'" Garius says. Petralka sniffs, haughtily.

"Hmmm. It's no big secret. Ever since Minori pointed it out," Petralka says. "I bet you want him to tie you up like in those BL books..."

"Cousin! That is inappropriate!" Garius says. Petralka waves her hand.

"I am not a child," Petralka says, loftily. "And you are sorely mistaken if you think otherwise. I know what happens after two people tie each other up."

"...so what do you think happens?" Garius asks. Petralka waves a hand.

"Torture, obviously," Petralka says. She crosses her arms, defiant. "I hear there are some people who actually _like_ being abused. Maybe all that time in the military has scrambled your head?"

Garius sighs and rubs his head.

"I think Her Highness should not speak of things she does not know," Garius says. 

xXx

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3.

The anniversary of Petralka's coronation approaches, and the castle bustles with uncharacteristic activity. At the town center, carpenters are busy erecting the platform on which the ceremony will take place. Commoners tug on ropes to raise wooden beams, while vendors start setting up their food stands in anticipation of the event. On coronation day, Petralka will give a speech. The crowds will erupt in a joyous roar, while the night sky bursts with fireworks, bright flashes of red and green and popping colors.

Garius is quiet during these celebrations: while commoners and noblemen alike partook in the festivities, Garius always withdrew into himself, watching silently as the crowds of people cheered around him. Because while the anniversary marked the ascent of their beloved leader, it also marked the day of his parents' death, the day that his father murdered Petralka's.

Garius remembers it well: old King Eldant was a good man but falling with ill health, and Petralka's father, his eldest son, was next in line to receive the throne. As a result, there was jealousy and bitterness and a clear, crystal vial of tasteless poison, tucked away within the folds of his father's robes.

He remembers how his father watched, hawk-like and silent, while his uncle sipped the poisoned tea. A moment, and then his uncle coughed. Flecks of blood spattered on the tablecloth.

His uncle's body clattered heavily on the table, knocking off the porcelain dishes and making the maids and the other guests shriek. Garius jumped up, afraid and confused, while his father just sat there, smiling. His father had planned to blame one of the emissaries from Bahailm, and the plan would have worked - except that his zealousness, his father had accidentally tipped the poison into his own cup, taking a sip from it and sharing it with his mother. 

xXx

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Because they were traitors, his parents' bodies were tossed into shallow graves, unmarked and far out from the castle. He visits them now, away from the general commotion of the palace life, because it is close to the anniversary of Petralka's coronation and therefore the anniversary of their deaths.

The sky is yellow and the ground is a burnt orange when Garius visits them, as has become his habit in the coming days of the celebration. Quietly, he kneels and gives silent prayers to his family, before standing up and shouldering his sword. It took years for Garius to prove his loyalty, and even now, he is still not completely among them. That he continues to visit his parents' grave remains a cause for concern among those who see him at court. Normally he would feel lonely and a little sad, but quietly he fingers the books Minori had given him through the fabric of his satchel, and it comforts him.

"Visiting your family?" Zahar says. He's back in the castle now, and Garius knows he means no ill will. "The Coronation Day is approaching. How are you faring?"

"I am well," Garius says, and he hesitates, slightly. "My father was a murderer and a traitor, and sullied our family name. But he was still my father," Garius says. Zahar shakes his head. There was a time when Zahar was among the loudest of those decrying Patralka's decision to spare him, but over the years the old man has softened, starting to think of Garius as one of his own.

"There is not a one here who loves Her Highness more than you," Zahar says. "No one doubts your loyalty. We know this time is difficult."

"No more difficult for me than for her," Garius says, and Zahar smiles sadly, then claps him on the shoulder. 

xXx

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This is how he spends his days:

He wakes. Opens his eyes to stare at the darkness of the pre-dawn room. Sometimes it's so dark he has to feel his way around the bedroom, groping carefully so as not to accidentally bang his head or trip and fall.

He gets up. Washes his face. Goes to the training grounds to practice his swordplay. Meets with Zahar, who knows him so well he practically can feel when Garius gets back to the castle grounds. Reaches the throne room and does his job.

Nighttime. He and Zahar depart. Exchange pleasantries, then he goes back to his room. He lies down. Stares up at the darkness of the ceiling. Pulls up the covers and closes his eyes.

The Otaku Way is comforting to him. Each candy-colored cover, each awkward blush and sidelong glance, they help him forget his troubles: the night after he visits his parents' graves, Garius goes back to his room and quietly peruses the books Minori gave him. They somehow make him feel less alone. 

xXx

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4.

"Somebody help! Her Highness is in trouble!"

Garius whirls around, then breaks into a run.

There is an intruder in the castle. Garius leaps forward and draws his sword, steel flashing and hair whipping behind him like banners. Slash. Slash. Strike. The intruder is quick and skilled but Garius is quicker, sword slicing the meat of the other man's side. The man howls. The sword clatters, but he pulls out a knife. Lunges toward him before Garius can see.

There is a shot. The Japanese have descended on the courtyard as the man crumples to the ground.

"Garius! Garius!" Petralka runs toward him. "You're bleeding! You're hurt!"

"I-" Garius looks down, sees the blood dripping down the side of his arm.

"I am fine," Garius says, but Petralka is angry and shaken, pulling him down and wrapping a white cloth around his bicep as Japanese soldiers rush toward them.

"Lord Garius! Your Highness! Please, follow us into the medical bay!"

He follows them numbly, clutching his arm. 

xXx

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No one comes to visit him. Except for Petralka, who railed at him for his stupidity, no one comes to see him. Garius lies back, shirtless and bandages around his arms and chest, looking up at the ceiling and at the shadows of the wall.

Life is not like BL. 

xXx

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5.

It is the anniversary of Petralka's coronation, and Petralka gives a speech. Outside the people stand outside the castle gates, craning their necks as she speaks. Quietly, Garius surveys the crowd for interlopers and would-be assassins, scanning his eyes past the throng of commoners clapping and cheering and throwing petals of wildflowers at her feet.

"What are you doing?" Shinichi says.

Garius turns. Shinichi breaks away from the crowd, walking toward him.

"I'm serving the party," Garius says. "It is my duty to ensure everyone's safety. If something were to go awry, I need to be ready to act."

"There's all these guards here," Shinichi says. He motions to the long lines of Japanese military behind him. "You should celebrate with us! We have cake and everyone is missing you."

Shinichi is standing close. It would only take two quick strides between them for their bodies to touch, and reflexively, he imagines it: how he would curl into the hollows of Shinichi's body, a perfect image of Minori's books, the bright tang of fresh sweat and all his muscles slipping and straining against him.

"I wouldn't know how," Garius says. He doesn't look at him. "My duty is to serve Petralka and to make sure she's safe."

"That's too bad," Shinichi says, and for the first time Garius notices it: a small piece of cake stuck on the side of Shinichi's mouth.

He had called it a Japanese custom. At the soccer match, he had watched with great interest when Shinichi reached toward Petralka's face and ate the grain of rice stuck to her chin, and Petralka too had reciprocated, sampling a piece of rice that was stuck to Shinichi's. Slowly, Garius steps close to him, and reaches out a tentative hand.

"You have a piece of cake stuck on your face," Garius says, and he doesn't look at him, blushing hard, as he dots the cake crumb with the pad of his finger, then puts it in his mouth.

"G-Garius-san...?"

Garius looks up, sharply. "It is a Japanese custom, is it not?" But before Shinichi could answer Garius cuts him off.

"Thank you, Kanou Shinichi," Garius says. "But I will be returning to my post."

And he leaves quickly before Shinichi can see. 

xXx

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He throws off his cloak, slamming it into the chair. Stupid, idiotic thing! How could he do that? How could he be so small?

_"Don't kill him!" Petralka said. She jumped in front of Garius as the imperial guards drew their swords. "Onii-chan didn't do anything! Onii-chan didn't know!"_

_"You cannot protect him," Zahar said. He stepped in front of her, drawing his sword. "Garius En Cordbal is the son of a traitor. His father murdered your father. There is no telling what this boy will do."_

Tears prick his eyes, gathering at the corners. 

xXx

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6.

"There you are," Petralka says, and she pushes back the curtains, joining him. "I was wondering where you were. The ceremony was boring and the nobles were starting to irritate me. I was hoping you'd be there to give me a laugh. What's wrong?" Petralka says, seeing the look on his face.

"Nothing," Garius says, and he wipes his eyes. "I've been...fatigued. I'll be better momentarily."

"Huh." Petralka crosses her arms. "So it has nothing to do with you wiping Kanou Shinichi's face in public, right?"

"How did you-"

"I see everything," Petralka says. "Don't pretend I don't know."

"I have no interest in Kanou Shinichi," Garius says. "He is...frustrating," Garius says. "He has no idea the effect he has on people."

"Lots of people," Petralka grumbles. "Lots of perky and big-breasted people..."

"Do not project your insecurities on me, my cousin. You are the one in love with him," Garius says.

"Tsundere, tsundere, so tsundere..."

"You're the one who is tsundere," Garius says.

"And you're the one who's an Uke," Petralka says.

"The Uke is a noble creature," Garius said. "He is accepting and stoic and well-known for his loyalty."

"I heard you're an Uke if you cry a lot," Petralka says.

"Who told you this?" Garius says.

"Heh. Kanou Shinichi."

"Yet another reason why he is so infuriating." Garius looks up at her, thoughtfully.

"At least we have each other," Petralka says, and Garius looks up at her, quietly.

"Even if our parents died. We're the only family we've got."

And Petralka smiles at him. It's a rare thing, when Petralka smiles. 

xXx

.

"I would like to read something where the BL is unrequited," Garius says, and Minori thinks and frowns at him, before bending down and rummaging through her pack.

"Those stories are all downers, I don't know that you'll like them," Minori says, but she hands him a stack. Garius bows neatly, then tucks them under his cloak.


End file.
